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  • Writer's pictureClaire A

I can’t hate her


Tonight, Thursday, May 2nd, 9 pm at 354 Metropolitan Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11211

Hi all-

Do you guys…hate yourselves? No, no, no! I don’t think you should! I’m just polling around to see. Because here’s the thing: I say I hate myself all the time. But truthfully, I don’t really hate myself that much; I hate myself like I would hate a sister. Like “I love you, but you really talk so much at parties and I’m totally embarrassed by that.”


They always say you have to love yourself before you can love someone else, and I think that is a looooot to ask of a woman in her 20’s. Oh, in order to have a beautiful loving relationship I have to move past the years of damage society has done to my brain to make me think that my pear-shaped body is not desirable? Come on. It’s like the world gave us long-term homework to work on as adults. “We’re going to tear you down your whole life, so that you’ll be familiar and comfortable enough to do it to yourself later in your life!”


And then there’s the deeper level/inception part of beating yourself up. Say you look in the mirror and hate how you look. “I look awful” you say to yourself. Then your next thought is “Omg, I shouldn’t say that to myself, I’m making my problems worse!” Then you hate yourself FOR beating yourself up, also while part of you still hates the way your arms look in that top. So now you’re stuck in a deep level of self-hatred.


On the contrary, I think sometimes it takes someone else loving you to realize you’re loveable. Even if you don’t love them at all or really trust their opinion. I used to hook up with this guy who totally lied to me about his relationship status (very untrustworthy) however, he told me he loved my stomach. Now I can’t stress enough how much I don’t care about this man; however, pointing out something that I have been sucking in for years, photoshopping out of pictures (I’m really outing myself here), and purchasing all kinds of spanx to avoid seeing, made me feel- a little beautiful!


I promise I only let this man waste one month of my life before meeting other, much better, people who have said the same things to me about my body (and I should include, in a context I was comfortable with. If someone yelled at me on the street saying “I love your stomach” I would probably move to a different city, that’s weird.) And in other contexts, when comedians I look up to compliment my material, or even when one of you sweet, sweet angels replies to this email, it makes me feel good, like I’m doing something right. But these are the moments that have me realize, if someone else is capable of loving this part of me, I can be too.


So honestly, I don’t hate myself really. Sure, I have my moments, but thanks to the support I keep around me, and the line cooks I’ve slept with, I’ve got a pretty good feeling about the head on my shoulders. And you can too!!!! By coming to drule comedy tonight!!! I’ll tell you you’re awesome in a really emotional and genuine way, promise.


Love, Claire bear

_____________


This week's lineup features:


JARED GOLDSTEIN (Comedy Central, Black Mirror)


TOREY COLE (Bonding Pod with Troy Bond)


SHERIA MATTIS (Gay Shame Pod)


RACHEL MCCARTNEY (GSN)


JAMES WENDT (Vulture)


MARISA RILEY (Comedy Ugly)


And your host, Claire Alexander, @clairebearpears, Reductress, The Hard Times, The Dump

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