Sorry this isn’t about the Roman Empire. I just saw that Tik Tok thing about how people think about it a lot and used it as bait. Anyway come to the show tonight please.

Tonight, Thursday, September 21st, 9 pm at 354 Metropolitan Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11211

Hi Y’all!

Gossip Girl here. 

I’m sorry I didn’t send a cute little email last week, it was my birthday and I was really hungover. Hangovers get worse and worse the closer you get to 30 I’ve noticed. I’ve definitely considered the fact that a night out for me will consist of drinking nine martinis and eating four cigarettes is the thing making me feel like shit, but I also think that my 27 year old corpse simply no longer can handle an ice luge like I used to.

Here is my list of how hangovers get worse:

1. They’re more embarrassing- you’re locked in your room all day in the dark. Are you a 14 year old boy? What are you doing in there? Cringe behavior. 

2. You like better tv now- when I was younger and hungover the stuff I would watch was just mindless cartoons or whatever, not missing out on any plot. Try watching Succession hungover. You will have to rewind so many times- with all of the times they talk about business? Forget about it- you won’t be able to retain any of the show.

3. You like your mom now more than you did when you were a kid - When you were 19 you wanted to rebel against everything so bad, but now, you don’t see her as much and have realized she’s kind of a cute middle aged woman with a lot of good stories. These days when you party like crazy she doesn’t get mad at you, she just thinks you’re a “creative type” who is “on an artistic journey” and she just hopes you get home safe which makes it so boring. It’s no longer “fuck the system” its “fuck my digestive system” because the only person you’re hurting when you throw back those shots is your bowels.

4. Your health insurance situation might be complicated - before 26, I was like “hey worst comes to worst I’ll get my stomach pumped” but now if you wake up feeling like you were hit by a train, you better have a God to believe in because going to the minute clinic is not cheap. 

Anyway, love you, and I hope to see you tonight at the best show in the world and I’m not hungover today and ready to party with you at Fette Sau <3

-Claire

This week's lineup features:

Kylie Vincent Comedy Central

Oscar Aydin NBC, Bravo

Meredith Dietz The Onion

Kari Burt SF Sketchfest

Tracy McClendon MTV

With your host, Claire Alexander