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  • Writer's pictureClaire A

The Princess and the Pee Pee

Hi all!

We’re almost done with dry January! (I’m not doing it, I just miss my friends who are) Everyone ready for America’s next controversial holiday: Valentine’s Day?


You guys ever hear the story of the princess and the pea? I have been confused by this one love story in particular for my entire life. This man invites a ton of different women in his bed (I have my feelings about him already), puts a pea under the bed making it all uncomfortable, and then gets mad and kicks them out when they say they slept well, which is beyond me because they were just…being polite? Any woman who sleeps over a man’s house knows what she’s getting into. It’s going to be navy blue sheets, one pillow, and an awkward half-naked walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night while you try to dodge his roommates. The NERVE of a man to ask you if you slept well after an experience like that is loco. But also, as a woman, of course you say yes! Because, you know a sleepover like that, unfortunately, is an investment, in what might end up being an okay guy. So yes, yes, I slept really well because I just logged a couple relationship hours, and I simply like the fact that you asked me because it hints that maybe you might care about my feelings even though the one pillow is clearly sticking to my face. (Idk if this still rings true, I haven’t been on a date with a man in a year and women are so much cleaner)


So then in the story, when finally one of the women he has sleep over says “Ugh my rest was terrible” he is like “golly gee You’re the one!” and the story ends there- to us. If this was real, she would be like “Also who the fuck are all these other women you’ve had in this bed? And why are you treating me like shit? You don’t think I deserve a good rest?” And then she would ditch the prince and go back to focusing on her stand up comedy career. Anyone who is going to say how they actually felt about that sleep to the prince wouldn’t just stop at complaining about the pea in my opinion.


So all in all, I haven’t learned anything about love and it seems impossible to figure out. But what isn’t impossible to figure out is that you’ve got to come to this hot little comedy show at Fette Sau tonight at 9 babes. We’ve got such a fun and fire lineup that will bring the 21 degree temperatures outside up. I love you and see you tonight!

-Claire Bear


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This week's lineup features:

CORINNE FISHER, @philanthrophygal, Guys We Fcked

APRIL BODY, @aprilbody, TimeOut NY, iHeartRadio, Huffington Post

KELLY TAYLOR, @hellothisiskelly, I Feel Fat Today Podcast

ARIEL EVANS, @arieldiamondevans8, NY Underground

And your host, Claire Alexander, @clairebearpears , Reductress, The Dump

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