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  • Writer's pictureClaire A

Sorry about this one straight people

Tonight, Thursday, March 14th, 9 pm at 354 Metropolitan Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11211

Hi all-

Do I have a big gay audience on here? Or is it just me? I’m pretty gay myself. I have been since I was a little girl and begged my grandparents to put on the movie “Splash” because I saw the mermaid in it was topless, and I was a huge Tom Hanks fan (unrelated). But for 24 years, I just kept those feelings to myself for the most part because my friends didn’t ever express them so I felt totally shy about it, and I was wearing a back brace for scoliosis so I already had enough going on.

For anyone who’s in denial or in the closet, I think what really helps is getting super drunk. Or it helped me. Vauguely. (Also have to mention getting drunk has made me hook up with tons of guys too, which obviously clogged the journey) I don’t know. My thing is, in my early 20’s, I hooked up with so many girls drunk (yeah I know, brag) and didn’t think anything of it until someone pointed it out to me.

I was at this party, making out with this girl, and then I asked her if she wanted to “do more” than make out (because I’m literally a child, and honestly don’t have better game today anyway). She responded “No Claire, I’m not gay.” And I was in shock because I wasn’t gay at all either, I just wanted to get naked with her and feel her entire body. I was also so surprised because I kept going up to my friends and being like “isn’t she hot?” And they were like “yeah that’s Katie, she’s totally hot, but I’m not like attracted to her, because I’m not gay” and I was just like you bitches are crazy, she’s totally hot and I don’t know why you wouldn’t think so. It wasn’t till I hooked up with another friend that night, put my clothes on the next morning and sneakily leaving her house, trying not to wake her up that I realized, “okay, I think I might actually be gay.” That was the first time I had an experience with a girl and didn’t have the worst feeling of guilt in the pit of my stomach that I had been feeling for years after even looking at women. I was suuuuuper hungover though so I definitely had some shit in my stomach.

So if you’re not gay and you got this far into the newsletter, you can brag that you are truly an ally, and if you are gay or are wherever you are in your life, I hope you know it is super freeing to be whoever you are. Unless you have scoliosis and have to wear a back brace then that is literally so constricting. So go do larping, go become an embarrassing stand up comedian, hey- why not come to my show Drule Comedy tonight? I’m pretty sure you should follow your heart on that one.

Love you and see you tonight for this hot fire amazing lineup!!!!!



This week's lineup features:

KC SHORNIMA (Saturday Night Live)

BRITT MIGS (Cracked)

EVA EVANS (Netflix, BET)

MAE PLANERT (Risque Business)



And your host, Claire Alexander, @clairebearpears, Reductress, The Hard Times, The Dump

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